It has been difficult to feel so detached from Lauren throughout this process. First in the C-section delivery, when she was whisked away to the NICU instead of placed on my chest - I had just a few seconds to glance at her sweet little face! Then leaving the hospital without her - one of the greatest emotional challenges I have experienced. And daily, to feel like although I am her mother, my ability to 'mother' her has been reduced to pumping breast milk and speaking soothing words to her through the isolette walls. It doesn't feel normal. But I know she has great care and my job to mother her will increase with time.
But today was a good day in the mothering sense. Now that Lauren is more stable in the NICU, we have been encouraged to try 'Kangaroo Care' which Grant defined in his last blog entry. As I lay, shirt open, in a recliner chair near the isolette this morning, Lauren's nurse took her out of her 'sauna' and placed her on my chest. Of course I had tears in my eyes as my tiny 2 lbs daughter snuggled close and seemed to immediately relax as her heart rate reduced to a calm level and her other stats were very stable. For almost 2 hours, I enjoyed the simple pleasure of holding my baby daughter....something I don't think I'll ever take for granted.
Although this is my first blog entry, I have read each and every one of your encouraging comments. Thank you all so very much for your loving and hopeful words. When I feel stressed and concerned about the emotional roller coaster we have been on for the past 2 weeks, I often read your notes and they cheer me up and warm my heart. One thing I do NOT feel is ALONE in this process. As Grant and I cling to each other for strength in these challenging times, we feel your love and your support with us every day - thank you!
But today was a good day in the mothering sense. Now that Lauren is more stable in the NICU, we have been encouraged to try 'Kangaroo Care' which Grant defined in his last blog entry. As I lay, shirt open, in a recliner chair near the isolette this morning, Lauren's nurse took her out of her 'sauna' and placed her on my chest. Of course I had tears in my eyes as my tiny 2 lbs daughter snuggled close and seemed to immediately relax as her heart rate reduced to a calm level and her other stats were very stable. For almost 2 hours, I enjoyed the simple pleasure of holding my baby daughter....something I don't think I'll ever take for granted.
Although this is my first blog entry, I have read each and every one of your encouraging comments. Thank you all so very much for your loving and hopeful words. When I feel stressed and concerned about the emotional roller coaster we have been on for the past 2 weeks, I often read your notes and they cheer me up and warm my heart. One thing I do NOT feel is ALONE in this process. As Grant and I cling to each other for strength in these challenging times, we feel your love and your support with us every day - thank you!
6 comments:
ever since I read your Jan 7 blog this morning, you have been constantly in my thoughts and prayers. What a little fighter - and what committed and devoted (and loving) parents!
Kaia, I can only imagine the emotional pull when you got to hold Lauren close to you - the comfort of closeness.
Have a good night!
Carolyn
Kaia, what a beautiful look on your face as you peeked in on Lauren. Tears welled up in me as well with your description of holding her skin to skin. What a precious time that must have been -- so important for both of you.
Grant, thank you so much for setting up this blog. It's the first thng I go to when I go online.
Love and lots of prayerful thoughts to you.
Karen
I love the beautiful "kangarooing" image of you and Lauren I now have in my mind. I can just imagine the look of peace on your face while you mothered your sweet baby girl... skin to skin... heart to heart.
Holding you all close in my heart.
Love,
Lor
Kaia and Grant,
This is such a wonderful new step.
Lauren knows already how very much you love her! We are so happy to see the wonderful picture and share your tears of joy.
Thank you sooooo much!
Love and prayers,
Nora
What an incredible fighter Lauren is! I am so happy she is getting stronger...and that you two Kangarooed. Isn't love amazing? I hope Grant can experience holding her also! Let Doug and I help you with Connor. Call us 303-793-0949. Our thoughts and prayers are with you both. Love, Marion
Kaia and Grant,
We are telling our friends how secure we feel knowing Lauren is in good hands.
Thank you so much for setting up this blog. It's kept us a lot closer to everything.
Love,
Miles
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